Posts Tagged will
My mind scattered just like the leaves by the window. Drifted..
I got so much worries these few days. The things I’ve done been so reckless. I simulated things so thoroughly, so deeply, even my self got in to it and can’t get lost of it. I simulated the possibilities could happen for what I was going to do. I said this to someone, that some of my simulation got into real world. My unconcious mind captured the X-es factors. But yet, although it was a very small chance of good result, I still did it. No regrets actually, It was about choice.
And the last thing I did was angry with my brother for loosing my SIM card there in my home. I just can’t figure it out how can that thing disappeared. Why didn’t he put it in the safe place, rather than carrying it at the back of his phone. However, everything just happened, it is all has been destined. There is still hope to get a new card, may my brother can do it well.
And so.. here I am, not as sad as yesterday. Somehow I cried for me and someone. I cried just because I can’t say what should be said. I just wanna say..
“Let us be friend.. A good friend if you will”
Just that, be a friend. It is a great lost loosing friend as her. She is too precious for me. I won’t ask for things she can’t give, I ask only my presence. Just like we used to be.
Maybe there is nothing we can talk about. I understand.
I understand by the way she behaves everyday, yes.. she doesn’t want me to go near her and tried to convince me to stop pursuing or hoping. Yes, I will. I will behave as before, as a friend. And I will stop hoping for her. Yes, I will.
So please, behave naturally, and so I will.
Thank you very much, maybe you are still willing to read this blog.
She looked happy this evening.. I don’t know why.
Didn’t have the dare to ask. Didn’t have good reason to say something.
Let her happy everyday.. just as today.
I dreamt of her leaving me.. yes, she will. What can I do? nothing.